According to our Russian technology!


По нашим российским технологиям!

We will talk about what I’m writing a lot lately about the scoop abroad.

The Soviet people, as it is known has many features, but two of them are downright striking is, first, a reluctance to learn foreign languages and, accordingly, their ignorance, and secondly, a permanent nostalgia for the past.

The operation of these two traits has long been turned the West into a vast reservoir of business. Not knowing neither the English nor the local language scoop feels helpless in a hostile world of the West, and therefore with joy throws herself into the arms of anyone who is willing to help him in Russian. Many Russian-speaking assistants reshaly, Russian shops, Russian agencies… All of this, my brothers, is not for your convenience, and to ensure that you are isolating with the language barrier to cheat and dilute the loot and property.

An experienced traveler already knows that the Russian menu in the restaurant — not good, definitely will be expensive and likely not good. The hotel where all the staff speaks Russian with the same star will be much worse the next, where the whole hotel is the only polka at the reception barely speaks Russian. A friendly girl who speaks fluent Russian at a table real estate Agency is a sure sign that the real estate will get you 30% above the market and the documents are not in order.

Same thing with “longing for the past”. Yet in nature there are people willing to buy a mix of tea dust and twigs in the “a pack with an elephant” five times more expensive Darjeeling first flush, it would be a sin not to take advantage of this opportunity and order in the nearest print shop print labels with elephants.

What I tell you. Now on Facebook flashed numerous posts-announcements of the Cyprus company “Mirador” (in Russian letters) that supplies for the Russian in Cyprus familiar with the childhood dairy products.

And let would be, I don’t mind. But just in case, in the order of prevention let me tell you brothers its history of interaction with this firmochki.

I got dragged to it buddy. He planned to hook up with them some business and would like to have my opinion about whether or not to plunge into this business or not.

If you do not know, I have a wonderful ability to see in advance all the future pitfalls and ambushes. And if the market is walking a lot of experts who always know exactly what and how to do that is guaranteed to achieve success, I example to the contrary, I always know exactly what not to do in order not to plunge, that’s helpful sometimes not to plunge to your friends.

And here comes my friend to the firm. Come honest, open, no “secret test purchases”. And we are already waiting for you to answer my questions, theirs bosses warned. Buddy introduces me as his partner came from out of town.

I asked to talk about the business model, and by what firm “Mirador” plans to survive and earn in the Cyprus market, which is literally wall to wall and the freshest quality dairy products from a lot of local businesses and farms.

And here speaking lady, whom I was introduced as “our chief technologist” begins to hang thick noodles on the ears. Shameless and shamelessly, with arguments of such a plan, as if it is not a grown man with higher education, and the illiterate Russian pensioner.

— And you know — speaks to me the lady technologist in local milk add antibiotics, that keep the bottle out of the fridge, and it will not be sour. And our milk without antibiotics, and therefore immediately go sour!

I’m trying to break into this verbal flow and give to understand that with the basics of technologies I know (studied once the cheese making of the French). What’s the process of pasteurization was invented, guaranteed to kill in milk all the bacteria and not to spoil its taste and useful properties. That is why local milk does not taste different from what directly from the cow, and not sour.

The lady technologist does not intervene. Local milk is not natural, and the most that neither is natural — made, according to our, Russian technologies — proudly declares it.

I probably would tell her that if “your milk,” natural, you would would not write on the packaging with a fixed fat content because no one cow does not give milk with 3.5% fat. That “natural” milk implies, the issue of its sale “as is” without heat treatment, and that local laws do not allow. “Russian technology” is hopelessly outdated “pasteurization”, invented by Louis Pasteur in the 19th century already. That is, unfortunately, spoils the taste of milk and puts the calcium into insoluble form and bacterial spores does not kill. That’s why “turns sour if you leave”.

But I’m not saying nothing of this, as has already realized that while the lady rattled off a whole entire their agitation for grandmothers-pensioners, to get a word in I fail. Finishes the speech lady a loud statement that the Cypriots can’t do cheese, but we firm Mirador — we can!

Well, what to say to her? The Cypriots also know how to make cheese? But in stores it is not for any other reason, — will not be buying one. Because the market is filled by local counterpart — fresh Anari cheese, variety rickety. Which is essentially the same cheese, but much softer, more stable quality, and most importantly — fantastically cheap, because it is gratuitous from the whey left over from the production of another cheese — halloumi. And is suitable for cooking as much more: once cheesecake from Anari, to cheese, no one will come back.

Therefore, understanding everything, I don’t mind, and only in the end Express polite doubts about whether milk is made by “Russian technologies” have the same questionable taste as the milk from Russian stores.

— No, — firmly objected to the lady — we have a natural milk, let us give you samples to try!

However then it turns out that the word “give”, she means “sell”, but my God, this is such detail.

I’m asking you to sell me as “samples” milk, cheese and a bottle of yogurt, remembering that mother-in-law asked me to buy yogurt, but in the supermarket where I usually buy it, I will not stop by. And I ask you to wrap up everything in a few packages, did not have time to heat up in the car, I have to go to another city.

Oh God, why did I say that!

The result:

Milk was the most “Soviet” pasteurized milk with the typical Soviet nostalgic flavor. The cheese was normal cheese, no different from cottage cheese out of the bag, bought somewhere in the roundabout.

And yogurt… the yogurt was…

— Something I can’t make out the date — said my mother-in-law with a wry face, — in my opinion he is not that overdue, it just got corrupted.

I looked at the date. The date was carefully erased. Not “erased”, “erased”, askraba with plastic packaging.

And why I said that being taken to another city! The saleswoman apparently just automatically triggered reflex — time in another city, then certainly to return will not be to make a claim because of a bottle of yogurt.

The fact that the role of the victims are the people from whom depended for its important company deal, she apparently just came to mind.

So that, my friends, if you have decided to settle abroad, learn languages. And go around doing all sorts of businesses, specifically targeted at Russian clients, and all the Russian community and fraternities. Why do you need to look for a new place in all the things from which you just escaped.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here